Aggregate Boredom

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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
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Under the Level Winter Sky Chapter 48

Acre leaned into Kara. “I can’t help but think if it was Sienna. If I would be able to keep going without her. She’d want me to – of course we’ve talked about it. But I don’t know if I could. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to be alone again.”

“You wouldn’t be.” Kara tucked Acre under her chin. “You’re surrounded by people who care about you.”

Acre nodded, but: “It’s not the same.”

And it happened again; a part of herself that she didn’t remember spoke: “It’s not just for you. We carry the memory of them within us; they live on through us, in a way. All the best parts of them stay with you.”

Acre sat up a bit, gave Kara a strange look; like she didn’t quite know what to put on her face. “Did you lose someone?”

Read Chapter 48 | Start from the beginning

Pinned Post detroit: become human dbh dbh kara repurpose
thebibliosphere
thebibliosphere

Speaking of therapy, I say, as though we're old friends, and you're not a stranger trapped in this metaphorical elevator with me and you can hear the suspension wires starting to fray.

I've been doing a lot of work recently that's focused on imposter syndrome and the feeling that no matter how well or how much I do, I'm not good enough. That I'm somehow tricking everyone into thinking my work is actually good.

Some days it's a minor niggle in my head that I can gentle and soothe with logic and affirmations. Or smother, depending on the mood. Other times it's loud and all-consuming and the mental anguish it causes me is so real I can feel it twitching in my muscles. This desperate fight-or-flight instinct with nowhere to go and nothing to fight but myself.

Anyway, because I'm several types of Mentally Unwell™, I was switching between workshop sheets ahead of next week. Filling in different forms. (Trying to get a good grade in therapy) And I got my "recognize your harmful ADHD coping mechanisms" worksheet mixed in with the "you're not actually lying to people, you just feel like you are because your brain is full of weasels" worksheet, and seeing them side by side made something go topsy turvy in my head, and I just had to sit and breathe for a couple of minutes until the urge to scream passed. Because it clicked, it all suddenly clicked.

The reason the imposter syndrome workshops and therapy sessions aren't sticking was because I do routinely trick people into thinking I'm someone I'm not.

Because I'm masking my ADHD for their convenience.

I've always known there was something wrong with me. My neurotypical peers made it abundantly clear I didn't fit in or was failing in some way I couldn't see nor remedy, no matter how hard I tried.

So I compressed myself into a workaholic box of hyper-competence in the hopes they'd stop noticing the flaws and exploit like me instead. And then subsequently lived with the daily fear that if they looked too close, they'd realize I'm a monumental fuck up with enough personal baggage to block the Suez Canal.

If you ever need someone to burn themselves to ashes for your comfort and convenience, I'm your gal.

Or I used to. Until I had a bit of a breakdown, and the rubber band holding my brain together snapped and pinged off into the stratosphere, never to be seen again.

Unfortunately, the trauma of living like that didn't also fuck off and instead left a gaping maw where my personality ought to be, so now I get to deal with that aftermath.

And it's that aftermath that's affecting the imposter syndrome shit. Because yes, I am hyper-competent and good at what I do-- but it doesn't feel real because that is how I mask.

And the truly frustrating thing is I am good at what I do. I am not pretending. I worked hard to be good at this. It just feels like I'm dicking around because 90% of my personality turns out to be trauma masquerading as humor in a trenchcoat, and having people genuinely like something weird I'm doing is so foreign my brain has decided it's just another form of masking.

I'm pretending to be a good author so people will think I'm a good author, and my brain thinks we are in Danger of being found out. We are in Danger, and writing is Dangerous because then people will know I'm Weird and not whatever palatable version I've presented myself as for their NT sensibilities.

Like the neurotic vampire with a raging praise kink wasn't an obvious giveaway.

Anyway. I got nothing else. Thanks for listening.

I'm going to go be very normal in another room and not stare into the abyss of my own soul for a bit.

adhd i finally had the wherewithal to read through this and uh yeah hahaha lol fuck
prokopetz
prokopetz

It's true that sometimes everything happens too much, but I think there's value in acknowledging that sometimes everything happens a reasonable amount and you're just being a dick about it. You've gotta recognise that you're being petty in order to properly lean into it!

prokopetz

"Your feelings are always valid" no, sometimes the dumb monkey who lives in my brainstem is straight up being an asshole. It's important that I know this – one cannot truly love one's dumb monkey without accepting its nature.

jerichogallery
jerichogallery

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Woodward Mall & Surrounding Businesses

auguris

ENHANCE

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Yeah, gimme The Special with a side of Moustache Fries, Android Pie, and French Wine. No, I don’t care about the winery or color, just French.

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Paprika Chips, for the modern day Jonathan Harker

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tough to choose between Soda To Drink and Drinkable Water

dbh dbh scenery that comics storefront is really detailed I wonder if it had a purpose once or if they just needed something that stood out for this particular chapter
thebibliosphere
cryptotheism

Your reaction to chatGPT instantly lets me know how easy it would be to trick you into thinking that you are haunted

cryptotheism

"omg it's literally alive!" Two beers, 45 minutes, deck of tarot cards, and I'm charging you 350$ for an exorcism.

cryptotheism

"I read an article that it's showing simple self-awareness" two days, mild preparation, hot and cold reading, I can get 60$ for joints laced with sacred sage

cryptotheism

"I just spoke to an AI and I'm... rattled to say the least, come with me on this dark journey" twenty minutes. I've got to science it up for you, but I can get you to come back every week to "disentangle the psychological imprint" for 125$

thebibliosphere
dduane

The glass cliff, on the other hand, refers to the phenomenon by which women are more likely to be appointed to senior executive positions during times of organizational crisis, making them less likely to succeed. These newly appointed executives may confront internal board resistance, operate with less time flexibility, and ultimately receive shorter tenure than their male counterparts. And, when a woman CEO is terminated from her position, she is more likely than not to be replaced by a male (the “savior effect”).

alexseanchai

Tempted to think of this merely as another stage of "What Fresh Hell Is This."

the-home-kvetch

He's stepping down so people don't pay attention to Tesla recalling 1 mil. cars.

bear-of-mirrors

They’re WHAT???

prismatic-bell

Also the woman named is an alt-right Trump supporter so....

blondejaneblonde

It’s the second large recall this year! 🤗 The first was 350k cars in the US in February. The year isn’t even half over.

you are a worm through time.
the thunder song distorts you.
happiness comes.